How to Learn to Surrender: Tips and Tricks for Letting Go
How to Learn to Surrender
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you just found yourself fighting harder and harder against it, even though you knew it was out of your control? It’s in these instances where we need to learn to surrender.
It can be difficult to let go of things that we’ve become attached to, even when we know they’re not serving us. Learning to surrender is all about loosening your grip and letting life take its course. It’s about letting go and being open to just ‘what is’ without acting on the urge to attempt to control the situation.
Here are some tips and tricks to help you learn to surrender.
The Control Paradox
I often remind clients of the control paradox.
This is simply, ‘when you try to control what is outside of your control, the more out of control you become.’
Much of our life is outside of our control. When you whittle it down, what remains within your control are your thoughts and your actions. Even then, that can feel a bit of a challenge. How other people react, the events and circumstances you find yourself in, and even random luck is all outside of your control.
Yes, you can influence but ultimately what happens is something you experience and make meaning of, and little more.
I find this is an important place to start when discussing the art of surrendering. If you can understand and accept that things are out of your control, it can allow you to reduce your struggle and surrender to the moment. When you do that, you begin to bring your focus to where it can be most useful and beneficial for you.
Learning to surrender can be overwhelming if you try to do it all at once.
It’s wise to start small by practicing surrendering in situations that aren’t too challenging.
For example, if you’re stuck in traffic, instead of getting frustrated and anxious, try taking some deep breaths and accepting the situation as it is.
When you start small, you build the confidence and skills you need to surrender in more difficult situations.
One of the best ways to learn to surrender is through practicing mindfulness.
Mindfulness is all about being present in the moment, without judgement.
When you’re mindful, you’re able to observe your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them.
This can help you let go of worries and anxieties that you might otherwise hold onto.
I personal prefer to use a mantra when I find myself in a situation that needs acceptance and surrender.
The two I often turn to the most are ones you will have heard; ‘It is what it is’, and ‘This too shall pass.’
Understanding the power of these mantras can allow you to just let go of the struggle and be in the moment.
You don’t have to like what is happening. You can absolutely hate it. However these can help you to just ‘be’ in the moment without fighting with it.
I do know some people who really dislike these mantras and that’s ok. They are used often, and you might find them a cliche. If that is the case, create your own. Find something that has a deeper meaning for you and that allow you to drop the fight you have with THIS moment.
Human beings hate uncertainty. It’s a survival mechanism that is triggered because you want to know what will happen and that you’ll be safe.
Learning to surrender often means embracing uncertainty.
As mentioned before, we can’t control everything in life, and sometimes we have to accept that we don’t know what the future holds.
When you embrace uncertainty, you open yourself up to new possibilities and experiences.
Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a major obstacle to surrendering.
When we’re perfectionists, we often have a rigid idea of how things should be, and we can’t accept anything less.
When we recognise that perfectionism is simply trying to control things outside of our control again, we can change the relationship we have with trying to have everything perfect.
Learning to let go of perfectionism means accepting that things don’t always go as planned, and that’s okay.
Metaphors can be a powerful tool for helping you learn to surrender.
When I work with a client in ACT, I’ll often use metaphors during our mindfulness session to help them acknowledge and let go of thoughts.
For example, think about a tree that’s blowing in the wind. The tree doesn’t resist the wind, it simply sways with it. In the same way, when you learn to surrender, you become more flexible and adaptable to the changes and challenges of life.
Learning to surrender requires trust in yourself. Trust that you can handle whatever comes your way, and trust that things will work out in the end. When you trust yourself, you’re more likely to let go of worries and anxieties, and embrace the present moment.
Finally, learning to surrender means being kind and compassionate to yourself.
We all make mistakes and have moments of weakness, and that’s okay.
When you practice self-compassion, you’re able to let go of self-judgement and criticism, and be more accepting of yourself.
Learning to surrender is all about letting go of control and trusting in the process of life.
By starting small, practicing mindfulness, embracing uncertainty, letting go of perfectionism, using metaphors, trusting yourself, and practicing self-compassion, you can learn to surrender and live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
Remember, surrendering doesn’t mean giving up or being passive, it means being open and receptive to what life has to offer.
So take a deep breath, let go of your worries, and surrender to the present moment.
You may also like to read:
How To Stop The Negative Thoughts From Taking Control
The Mindfulness Toolkit
The Importance of Acceptance To Mental Health
Unlock The Power Of Your Mind With a Hypnosis Audio Recording