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Toxic Workplaces Are Feeding The Impostor Phenomenon – Here’s Why

By Imposter Syndrome, Mental Health, Shame

Toxic workplaces are feeding the impostor phenomenon – here’s why Amina Aitsi-Selmi, UCL and Theresa Simpkin, Anglia Ruskin University Research suggests that around 70% of people will experience an illogical sense of being a phoney at work at some point in their careers. It’s called the impostor phenomenon (also known, erroneously, as a syndrome). These impostor feelings typically manifest as a fear of failure, fear of success, a sometimes obsessive need for perfection, and an inability to accept praise and achievement. The phenomenon is also characterised by a genuine belief that at some point you, as the “impostor”, are going to be found out for being a fake in your role. The phenomenon has been researched for more than 40 years and recent research into women working in sciences, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM), suggests that there is a much higher incidence of it in women in these non-traditional roles. Despite being something that affects people at an individual level, the relationship between toxic workplaces and well-being is well established. It seems that the impostor phenomenon breeds from a mix of genuine personal doubt over work abilities and the collective experience of a toxic work culture. Simply put, our modern…

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OUTthink – An LGBT Podcast Retrospective

By LGBTQI, Mental Health, OUTthink, Shame, Therapy, Uncategorized

OUTthink – An LGBT Podcast Retrospective This episode of OUTthink, we’re going back in time! Since beginning late 2016, I’ve been so fortunate to have been able to meet and chat with some truly inspiring people within the LGBT community and discuss their stories or gain their insights into some of the bigger issues that exist out there within our community. The challenge for me is that, as a podcast that has no intention to benefit financially, bandwidth can be limited and so we’ve reached a point where I have to clean up and create space. With that in mind, and with a desire to keep some of the key lessons and insights from the earlier episodes, we delve back to explore those initial handful of OUTthinks with our guests Daniel Cordner, Lisa Torney and Joe Busuttil. About Daniel Cordner Daniel was our very first guest way back in 2016. In fact, OUTthink went from being an idea to being a reality due to a catch-up and coffee with Danny where I found our conversation came so thick and fast that it prompted me to tell him about this podcast idea that I had and wondered if he would like…

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What Do Cats Wanting Attention Teach Us About Acceptance?


What Do Cats Wanting Attention Teach Us About Acceptance? Have you ever tried working on the computer when you have a cat in the room with you? I’m sure the cat owners reading this know exactly what I mean. You know when your cat is in one of their persistent moods and they really want your attention. Depending on how you’re feeling, you might find this sudden need for attention from an animal that is infamously aloof to be heartwarming, or perhaps amusing, or sometimes even annoying when you have a deadline to face or when you find that it is breaking your focus and taking away your attention from where you would like it to be. I don’t know about you but when that has happened to me, I’ve often found that I am faced with a few choices. The first is to try to ignore the cat. Now, I do believe it was Yoda who famously said, ‘do or do not, there is no try’, and I suspect that he may have never had a cat. He is kind of right though, since ‘try’ often indicates make an attempt or an effort. It’s like when a friend says…

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Nobody's Perfect Release Hypnosis Melbourne Hypnotherapy Counselling Acceptence Compassion Empathy

What Understanding ‘Nobody’s Perfect’ Has Taught Me

By ACT, Confidence, Shame

What Understanding ‘Nobody’s Perfect’ Has Taught Me We’ve all heard the saying ‘nobody’s perfect’. I think we can all agree that this is true. The funny thing is that so many people don’t really understand the power that is contained within these words and how a bit of reflection on them could have a more meaningful relationship with them. How it is often used. When we hear people say ‘nobody’s perfect’, it is generally used more as an excuse and often as a request to cut some slack. “You didn’t do what I asked you to do last night.” “I’m sorry. Nobody’s perfect!” Or it can often be used as a consolation for things that are often something that we don’t like about ourselves and that we are often unable (or unwilling) to change. “I do smoke but nobody’s perfect and everyone has at least one flaw…” This is where it gets a bit murky. While it is true that we should often show self-compassion, we shouldn’t be using something like this to excuse behaviour that is unacceptable or that could be changed. Unfortunately, this is often where this saying is potentially abused. You’re not perfect. No one is perfect….

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2017: A Year In Review

By LGBTQI, Uncategorized

2017: A Year In Review Whereas 2016 was most certainly a year of change, 2017 has been harder to pinpoint exactly what it has come to represent. We’ve seen a movement throughout the year, which began with fear, move to strength and resilience, and has seemingly ended up acceptance. Nothing to fear but fear itself… The year began with a reaction out of fear. Consider this; we have three possible reactions to the things that we fear that are hard-wired into us. These three reactions are ‘fight, flight or freeze’. In 2016, we saw a massive amount of change and this change was often brought about through a manipulative use of fear. We saw the UK decide that it would leave Brexit. We saw the US push back against ‘the establishment’ and elect an unlikely President. We were still reeling from the after-shocks that come from the terrorist actions of the previous years and showed no signs of slowing down as we moved into 2017. All of these were often a reaction to our own internalized fear that people were out to get us and that we had to ‘protect our tribe’, often blown out of proportion by the media…

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OUTthink Will Be Back In 2018


OUTthink Will Be Back In 2018 A little over a year ago, the first episode of the podcast OUTthink was published to the world. The aim of OUTthink was simple; to create more discussion and awareness around the LGBTQIA community and mental health issues. Over the course of the first ‘season’, our topics ranged from discussions on transgender, sexual fluidity, anxiety, shifting friendships, HIV acceptance, the impact of shame, and even a look at how we use comedy as a form of defense mechanism. In each episode, the aim was to have a casual conversation that held no objective other than to explore the topic openly and to consider what advice or insight our guests could offer based on their own experiences. What next for OUTthink? I’d really love to hear from people as to what kinds of topics and guests they would like the podcast to explore next. Our guests tend to fall into two categories; people who are specialists in their area and who can offer us advice or people who have experienced challenges and difficulties and who has a resilience that is inspiring and insightful. If there is one aim I have with OUTthink, it is to…

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ACT Made Simple Acceptance Commitment Therapy Russ Harris Release Hypnosis Counselling Hypnotherapy Melbourne St Kilda Rd

Book Review: ACT Made Simple

By ACT, Mindfulness

Book Review: ACT Made Simple Dr Russ Harris I remember a few years ago when I was first introduced to ACT. I have to admit, I struggled with it initially. All this stuff about fusion and observing your self and rich, full and meaningful lives; it all felt a bit much. Fast forward a few years and several training sessions later and I have to say that ACT is transformative in its approach and has continued to be a source of revelation for many of the clients that I’ve worked with as well. ‘ACT Made Simple’ might be slightly deceptive in its title. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT to its friends) might come across as quite straight forward, however, putting ACT into practice can sometimes highlight some of the subtle yet challenging skills that come into play during the average session. With that, Dr. Russ Harris does have a remarkable knack for writing content that is both easy to read and to understand. The beauty of ‘ACT Made Simple’ is in the beautifully playful way in which Dr. Harris can easily engage the reader and offer them insight. ACT itself is often built on experiential exercises so even the…

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hypnosis hypnotherapy hypnotist hyposis hynosis hyponosis counselling therapy lgbt shame acceptance gay lesbian transgender hiv aids rights

OUTthink Now Has a Home On Facebook

By LGBTQI, OUTthink, Podcast

OUTthink Now Has a Home On Facebook You mean it hasn’t been there all along? I know! Right! So we’ve fixed that and you can now OUTthink has it’s very own page on Facebook along with the Release Hypnosis Facebook page. You now have the option to like one or the other, or both! Each podcast will also be uploaded against the Facebook page to make it easier for you to find. Of course, if you enjoy the podcasts, why not feel free to share the Facebook page with your friends and encourage them to give it a LIKE so they can be informed when each new fortnightly podcast is published. We’ve covered a wide range of topics already since starting in November last year and our commitment is to making the podcast even more diverse and even controversial topics. Having said that, if you have a story that you think is worth sharing and that may help others within the LGBT community, then why not drop me a line so that we can chat further and see if we can get your story out there with OUTthink.

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OUTthink – Matthew Cooksey – A Discussion on ‘The Velvet Rage’

By LGBTQI, OUTthink, Podcast, Shame

OUTthink – Matthew Cooksey – A Discussion on ‘The Velvet Rage’ It was around the middle of last year that my supervisor recommended that I read ‘The Velvet Rage’. I had mentioned how my focus was working with the LGBT community and he had reached over to his very large, very full bookcase and pulled out a copy like it had been sitting there waiting for me to arrive. I immediately went out and purchased a copy so that I could immerse myself in a book that had become a foundation of my past year. Since then, I’ve recommended the book many times to clients who have come in to see me as well as writing my own review on my blog. I first contacted Matthew because of ‘The Velvet Rage’. I noticed that he was running free workshops based on ‘The Velvet Rage’ and the concept fascinated me. I had been putting the plans in place to start OUTthink by that point and thought that Matthew could be a great guest to talk about this book that we were both so passionate about. And so, it finally happened. In a decision not to cut the conversation down into two…

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OUTthink Podcast Hits 10 Episodes!

By LGBTQI, OUTthink, Shame

OUTthink Podcast Hits 10 Episodes! So, let’s be honest… hitting 10 episodes of a fortnightly podcast isn’t really that big of a deal however it felt like it was time to begin speaking a little bit more about this podcast that I’ve been investing some time and energy into. OUTthink is a podcast aiming to shine a light into some of the mental health and psychological issues that impact on the LGBT community. In my previous posting ‘Why I Created OUTthink‘, I outlined that LGBT folk have a unique relationship with shame during our childhood development. As kids, we knew we were different. We weren’t sure exactly in what way. We definitely couldn’t put a label on it, yet we could feel it and we knew the other kids knew too. As a result, we often allow the toxic effects of shame take impact; creation of the false self, rage, people pleasing, addiction – all common ways to deal with this feeling underneath that we were inescapably flawed and unlovable. As we find out place in ‘the community’, we begin to move more towards dismantling these shame messages and becoming more authentic. OUTthink really aims to both bring topics that…

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